Several close friends of mine are getting married soon. My best friend Sarah is finally marrying Joe later this year. Miss Kitty will finally share her kitty condo with Jim in 2008. I'm really happy for them because they are two couples who are a great example for me. Marta and I plan to get married in Winter 2008 officially. I already consider her my wife and I wear a temporary gold band to show that. It'll our second and last marriage for the both of us. For once, we feel that we made the best choice and were meant to be together and I consider Chelsea to be a surrogate daughter even though she my stepdaughter and has a very active father in her life.
My first marriage was doomed from the date that it was set. First off, I was 22 when I got married the first time. Men don't know shit at that age. Period. Point fuckin' blank. You really shouldn't get married until either your 30 or you end up with either Scarlett Johannsen, Salma Hayek, Monica Bellucci, Queen Latifah, Pam Grier, Helen Mirren, Danielle Foxx or Gia Darling wanting to marry you right there on the spot. I'm just speaking for the guys here. Women can usually handle it better. My ex-wife and I got married on Halloween 1992 so we could remember the anniversary easier and see a Ramones concert at The Aragon on the same night. Right there, it was fucked. We also got married at City Hall. Another bad omen to me. There's just something not good about getting married at the same place where you pay your parking tickets and property tax. Not really romantic hallowed ground if you catch my drift. And my third point, I got my dumb ass trapped in a marriage situation because I stupidly said at the climax point, "I'll marry you if you keep this up". She thought I was serious and I was afraid to tell her that I was just kidding because I thought that it would ruin my chances on getting laid again. So guys, keep your goddamned mouth shut when you reach the blasting point or you'll end up saying some stupid shit like "I love you" or "Marry me" or "My bank routing number is......".
After my first "Hostel" like marriage lasted six months, I met Marta in 2006. We fell in love or she bought me bullshit. Either one of the two. I think she bought my bullshit on purpose so she could call me on it all the time. If there's one simple truth, the wife is always right. That's just law. Anyway, we were trying to figure out how and when we were going to get married. At first, we were going to take the Las Vegas approach and NO NOT AN ELVIS WEDDING!!!!! I actually wanted us to get married by Dyanna Thorne. She was the star of "Ilsa Queen Of The SS". Her and her husband are ordained ministers. I thought that would be cool. Marta just gave me the "Fuck that" look. We also couldn't do it because we couldn't bring Chelsea to Vegas because of her age. So, we had to come up with another plan. That's when we found out the main thing. WEDDINGS AND RECEPTIONS ARE EXPENSIVE AND A BIG FUCKIN' HEADACHE!!!!
Sarah basically had to move heaven and earth to plan her upcoming wedding and set everything up. Miss Kitty finally decided to hire a wedding planner because its all one big pain in the ass. Marta and I just want to find a minister. A spritual place. A nice caterer and just get it over with. No bridzillia bullshit. Luckily, we found our minister and possibly a new church to get married. All we have to do now is save up and get this done by Winter 2008. I'm more than positive that it'll all work out. If it doesn't, we could always go to Vegas when Chelsea turns 18 and get married there........That would also give us a chance to see "The Beatles Love" at The Mirage.
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